I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends with the entire world and unfriend people one by one
I want to take one of those English as a Second Language courses - just go in and blow everybody away on the first day.
My divorce was messy because there was a child involved. My husband.
I got busted for plagiarism at university.
the lecturer said that I copied my essay straight off the Internet. It's
a bit hard to talk your way out of that kind of thing when halfway down
the first page of your essay it says, "Click Here For More
Information."
My girlfriend is a vegetarian. She said that I'm not real animal
lover, because I eat meat, and that if I loved animals. I would only eat
lettuce, vegetables, and grains. I said, "If you really loved animals,
you'd stop eating all their food"
What separater us from all other animals is that we aren't afraid of vacuum cleaner.
Don't tell me you have a chocolate lab if you're just taling about a kind of a dog.
Sometimes when I'm depressed, I get a pregnancy test so I can say, "Well, at least I'm not pregnant."
I'm going to get married again because I'm more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.
Researches have developed a "red wine pill" that gives all the benefits of red wine without the alcohol. It's called a grape.
A customer brought her car into our dealership complaining of rattling noises. Later, the technician said the problem was no big deal. "Just a case of CTIP." "What's that?" I enquired. "Customer Thinks It's a Porsche."
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